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Today, we explore the complexities of respect, a concept often misunderstood but foundational to healthy relationships and thriving communities. Respect should be a basic right, given to all, not just those who hold power or achievements. We often confuse three types of respect: earned, given, and demanded. True respect is the one we give freely, not based on someone’s status but their inherent worth. Misplaced respect, especially when demanded rather than earned, can be toxic and lead to breakdowns in morale and trust. Let’s reshape how we view and practice respect, starting with everyone we encounter.

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Rewriting Respect What’s Truly Deserved – Life Stories 140

With that, let’s explore a concept that’s often misunderstood yet profoundly impacts our lives: respect. Richard Sennett once said, “Unlike food, respect costs nothing. Why then should it be in such short supply?” It’s a great question, and it hints at a problem we face daily — too little of the right kind of respect and far too much of the wrong kind. Respect is a fundamental social need, but because we only consider one narrow type of respect, we’ve failed to give everyone the basic courtesy they deserve and often overlook those who genuinely earn it through their character, not through their status or achievements.

This confusion stems from how we’ve been taught to view respect. We often assign it based on social standing, wealth, or success. The more someone has, the more they’re admired. Meanwhile, people struggling with hardships or who lack visible accomplishments receive a cold shoulder. But this is flawed. On a basic human level, everyone deserves respect, whether they are thriving or barely getting by.

The Three Types of Respect

Let’s break it down into three types of respect — and honestly, only two of them are genuine:

Earned Respect: This is the one we’re most familiar with. We usually reserve it for those who have achieved something we admire or possess qualities we value. Often, we extend this respect to people we don’t even know, like public figures or successful entrepreneurs.
Given Respect: This type is often overlooked. Given respect isn’t tied to what someone has achieved. It’s rooted in the basic decency that every person deserves simply because they are human. When we encounter people who are rude, who don’t “pull their weight,” or who we think don’t deserve our respect based on our own values, it’s this type of respect we should be practicing. Failing to offer it leads to a life filled with judgment and frustration. Over time, this negativity seeps into every relationship, making us bitter and disconnected. Given respect is the foundational layer upon which everything else should be built.
Demanded Respect: This one isn’t genuine at all. It’s driven by a need for dominance, control, or status. It’s not about valuing someone, but rather about asserting power. We often confuse demanded respect with earned respect, elevating individuals who thrive on social dominance to the same level as those who truly deserve admiration.

The Problem with Misplaced Respect

Since childhood, many of us have been told to respect our elders, authority figures, or people in positions of power — regardless of their character. But what happens when those people misuse that respect? Imagine having an uncle who oversteps boundaries and makes you uncomfortable, yet you’re told to respect him because he’s family. That’s demanded respect, and it’s harmful.

And what happens when someone demands respect in the workplace? Carly Fiorina, the first woman to lead a Fortune 20 company, is a prime example. She took charge at Hewlett-Packard (HP) in 1999 and made some drastic changes. She shifted priorities from nurturing employees to obsessively pursuing financial performance, turned a people-centered culture into a rigid hierarchy, and removed the foundation of mutual respect. Unsurprisingly, morale plummeted, HP’s stock value halved, and thousands of employees were laid off. Carly demanded respect because of her position, but she didn’t earn it through her actions. Eventually, it all came crashing down, and she was ousted in 2005.

Choosing Who Deserves Your Respect

If we want to thrive in our professional and personal lives, we must build a culture of decency. Respect isn’t a limited resource to be reserved for those we admire or who have power over us. It’s a baseline that should be freely given to everyone, no matter their background, struggles, or position in life.

The truth is, even people who disagree with you, who challenge you, or who live in ways you don’t understand or approve of — they all deserve respect. That doesn’t mean you need to admire them or agree with their choices, but you should afford them the same basic human courtesy you would want for yourself.

This shift in mindset is crucial for building a more inclusive, understanding, and respectful society. Treat people as worthy not because they’ve proven it to you, but because everyone has intrinsic value.

Practical Takeaways for Today

Today, your mission is simple: reflect on the people around you — friends, family, coworkers, even strangers. Are you offering each of them the same level of respect, or are you reserving it for those who meet certain criteria? Try starting every interaction from a place of given respect, and build up from there based on their behavior and character, not on their wealth or accomplishments.

Remember

, respect isn’t a zero-sum game. It doesn’t run out when you give it away. So, go out there and create a ripple of respect in your world. Give it freely, earn it where it’s due, and always know when to stand firm against those who only demand it.

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