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Confidence isn’t something you’re born with—it’s something you build. Step into the unknown, embrace failure, and rewrite the story you tell yourself. Every small victory counts, and every setback is a lesson. The more you try, the stronger you become. Own your journey, claim your space, and believe in your power

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Build It Up and Own It – Life Stories 196

When you think of self-confidence, what comes to mind? Is it that person who walks into a room and everyone immediately turns to listen? Maybe it’s someone whose self-belief seems to radiate like a bright light, drawing others toward them. Whatever image comes up for you, we often imagine confidence as an inherent trait—something you’re either born with or not. But here’s the truth: self-confidence is not a personality trait; it’s a skill. And like any skill, it can be learned, practiced, and perfected.

That’s right—a skill. And once you realize that, everything changes. Self-confidence isn’t something you’re stuck with or without. It’s something you can cultivate, something that is entirely in your hands. And it all begins with the willingness to see it that way.

So how do you build it? It starts with a simple but powerful process: practice. The more often you step outside your comfort zone and try new things, the more confident you become. It’s not about perfection—it’s about repetition. As Mel Robbins explains, confidence works in a loop: first, you try something new. You either succeed, or you survive. Either way, you learn something. The more you repeat the process, the better you get, and the more confident you become. That’s the foundation of self-confidence—competence.

This means that to build confidence, you must allow yourself to be a beginner again. You have to risk being bad at something before you can become great at it. When was the last time you let yourself be terrible at something new? When did you last push yourself into uncharted territory and stick with it, even if you felt unsure? Think about that project you passed on because you feared you weren’t ready. That person you hesitated to reach out to because you dreaded rejection. How often do we bail at the first sign of failure, not realizing that every setback is a step forward if we allow it to be?

Embracing failure is crucial. Why? Because failure isn’t the end—it’s a part of the process. In every attempt, there’s value. When you try and fail, you gain feedback that success could never give you. It highlights blind spots, reveals strengths you didn’t know you had, and forces you to grow. Think of kids learning to walk. They’re born with no concept of what failure is; they just keep trying, getting up again and again. That’s innate confidence in action. They don’t see falling as a reason to quit. They see it as just another step toward walking.

Failure is the breakfast of champions.

So here’s your next challenge: think of a moment when you failed—something that crushed you at the time. Now, look at it with fresh eyes. What did it teach you? What did you gain that you never would have if you’d never taken that leap? Maybe you failed at a job interview and ended up in a position that suits you far better. Maybe a relationship ended painfully, but it freed you to find a partner who truly understands you. Every stumble is an opportunity, if you choose to see it that way.

But there’s another piece to this puzzle: the way you talk to yourself. Your internal dialogue shapes your reality. The things you say to yourself—whether out loud or in your mind—become the stories that guide your life. We all have that inner voice, and if it’s constantly critical, tearing us down, it’s no wonder we struggle to believe in ourselves. You wouldn’t talk to a friend the way you sometimes talk to yourself, would you? So why is it okay to do that to you?

You have to be your own biggest cheerleader, the one who builds you up when the world tries to tear you down. Start by writing a letter to yourself listing all the things you’ve achieved, big and small. Keep that letter close and read it whenever you start to doubt yourself. Let it remind you of your strength, your resilience, and all the reasons you have to be proud of who you are. Because you are not your failures.

And lastly, give yourself credit for the small wins. It’s easy to dismiss the things we do well as “no big deal.” But they are a big deal. Finished a project on time? Praise yourself. Stayed calm during a stressful situation? Give yourself that acknowledgment. The more you catch yourself doing well, the more your brain starts to recognize your own worth. It’s all about training your mind to focus on the good. Science shows us that our brains are wired to react strongly to negative events because, in the past, that helped us survive. But we can retrain our brains to notice the positives too.

So, , today I challenge you to start practicing. Every time you catch yourself doing something good—no matter how small—celebrate it. Your brain is paying attention, and every small victory is a brick in the foundation of your confidence.

The power is already inside of you. It’s time to tap into it. Practice, praise, repeat. Before you know it, that shy, uncertain voice in your head will transform into one that’s powerful, assured, and proud.

So, go on. Get out there. Try, fail, learn, repeat. Because the only way to grow your confidence is to build it yourself. And trust me—you’ve got this.

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