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In conflict, critical thinking isn’t about winning arguments—it’s about cultivating empathy, curiosity, and openness. By evaluating our own beliefs with compassion and listening actively, we avoid reinforcing biases and creating resistance. This approach transforms conflict into an opportunity for growth, deeper understanding, and meaningful conversations.

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Thinking Critically in a Conflict – Life Stories 219

The world we live in today is increasingly complex and unpredictable. In fact, there’s even a term for it—VUCA: Volatile, Unpredictable, Complex, and Ambiguous. And when you throw in our almost unlimited access to information, it’s easy to see why navigating it all feels overwhelming. That’s why one of the most valuable skills we’ll need in the next few years is not just information gathering but knowing how to filter it—how to separate the valuable from the noise.

So, how do we stay grounded in a world where we can find “evidence” for any point we wish to make? How do we avoid falling into the trap of only seeking out knowledge that confirms our own biases? That’s where critical thinking comes in.

Now, don’t get it twisted—critical thinking isn’t about nitpicking or criticizing others. It’s about being open, really evaluating the information we encounter, challenging our assumptions, and making sure we’re not just reinforcing our own beliefs without real examination.

Let’s look at how we can practically apply critical thinking, especially in those sensitive, gray areas where conflict often brews. Here’s the thing: critical thinking involves some of the most evolved parts of our brain, the prefrontal cortex. To do it well, we need empathy and compassion, especially when we’re talking to someone who may be emotionally attached to their point of view.

Empathy comes in two flavors: emotional and cognitive. Emotional empathy is about feeling the other person’s pain, while cognitive empathy is about understanding it without necessarily feeling it. Whichever you use, the result is the same—the other person feels supported, and that’s key in keeping a conversation from escalating into a full-blown conflict.

But here’s where things can go south: if we approach a conversation as a debate, trying to win rather than understand, we get the exact opposite of what we’re hoping for. The more we push, the more the other person digs in their heels. You’ve likely seen this play out in your own life, right?

Let’s imagine a scenario to bring this to life: you’ve got a friend who’s sitting comfortably in a chair. You’d like them to move to the couch. At first, you gently suggest they move, but they’re happy where they are. So, you nudge them a bit, shaking their chair slightly. Still no movement, but now they’re gripping the arms of the chair a little tighter. Finally, in frustration, you try to flip the chair, thinking, “Surely this will get them to move!” But instead, they cling to the chair even more fiercely, maybe even shouting at you to stop.

This, my friend, is a simple metaphor for what happens in many arguments. The chair represents your friend’s belief, and your pushing and flipping is your attempt to “win” the argument. What happens? The harder you push, the more they resist. This is what’s known as the backfire effect, where presenting counterarguments only strengthens the other person’s original belief.

So, how do we avoid this? How do we keep ourselves from pushing others to the point where they cling to their beliefs even more fiercely? It starts with understanding that critical thinking is not about being right. It’s about being open—open to listening, open to understanding, and open to the idea that we don’t have all the answers. When we approach conversations with empathy and compassion, we allow space for real dialogue, rather than just a battle of wills.

But we also need to apply this same care to ourselves. When we challenge our own beliefs, we can experience the same resistance, that same backfire effect. Our beliefs are deeply ingrained in who we are, and attacking them too aggressively can make us cling to them even more. Instead, approach your own beliefs with curiosity and compassion. Why do you believe what you believe? What experiences shaped those beliefs? And most importantly, are you open to them evolving?

At the end of the day, being able to think critically in the midst of conflict—whether with others or within ourselves—is one of the most valuable skills we can cultivate. It’s about being thoughtful and reflective, rather than reactionary. It’s about listening as much as speaking. And it’s about recognizing that the goal isn’t to win, but to understand.

So, as you move through your day and encounter moments of tension or conflict, try to lean into empathy, curiosity, and openness. You might be surprised at how much more productive—and peaceful—your conversations become.

Until next time, stay compassionate, stay curious, and keep on rising.

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