Bad Emotions Don’t Exist – Life Stories 93
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Are your emotions controlling you, or are you learning from them?
What if I told you there’s no such thing as bad feelings—only untapped wisdom? In this video, discover how to embrace your emotions, understand their messages, and break free from judgment.
“Bad Emotions Don’t Exist”: How to Embrace and Understand Your Feelings
Today, we’re diving into a subject that can be challenging but is essential for growth: understanding emotions without judgment. So many of us are taught from a young age to categorize emotions as “good” or “bad”. We see happiness, excitement, and love as positive, while sadness, anger, and fear are deemed negative. But what if we told you that this labeling is not only inaccurate but also harmful? What if there are no bad emotions, only feelings we need to acknowledge, explore, and learn from? That’s the focus of today’s session.
The Pitfall of Labeling Emotions as “Good” or “Bad”
For most of us, it’s second nature to label things as good or bad. It makes life feel simpler and easier to understand. We do it with foods, people, places, and—most problematically—with our feelings. Some emotions, like joy or excitement, are considered good, while others, like shame or sadness, are considered bad. But here’s the thing: these categories are invented. They don’t exist outside of our minds.
Imagine this: a friend tells you they’re trying to eat healthier. They’ve labeled certain foods as good and others as bad. One week, they eat “good” foods—lots of salads, fruits, and lean proteins. But then the weekend hits, and they binge on “bad” foods—candy, cake, and chips. Now they’re overwhelmed with guilt and shame, feeling like all their progress is ruined.
But here’s the truth: it’s not the food itself that’s the problem—it’s the meaning they’ve attached to it. The food is just food. In reality, foods aren’t good or bad; they exist on a scale of more or less nutritious. By assigning labels, your friend created an unnecessary emotional weight that led to shame and self-sabotage.
Emotions Work the Same Way
We do the same thing with our emotions. We call happiness “good” and anger “bad”. But these labels are just stories we tell ourselves. In reality, emotions are just information. They’re signals from our body and mind that something needs our attention. Some emotions are harder to feel than others, but that doesn’t make them bad.
When you label an emotion as “bad”, you instinctively try to avoid it. But what happens when you can’t? You end up feeling ashamed or guilty, creating a cycle of negative self-talk. You tell yourself that feeling angry makes you a bad person, or that being sad means you’re weak. These judgments only amplify the original emotion, making it even more painful and difficult to process.
The Real Danger: Avoidance
When you avoid your emotions—whether by numbing, distracting, or suppressing—you don’t make them go away. You simply bury them. Over time, these buried emotions build up, becoming more intense and harder to manage. Imagine shoving all your anger, sadness, or fear into a small, dark corner of your mind. Eventually, it becomes a pressure cooker, ready to explode at the slightest trigger.
Avoiding your emotions doesn’t protect you. It controls you. The next time someone makes a snide comment, you might react with disproportionate rage—not because of what they said, but because they unknowingly tapped into that unresolved anger you’ve been bottling up. You’re no longer responding with logic and intention; you’re reacting from a place of unprocessed pain.
The Shift: Embracing the “Learner’s Mindset” Toward Emotions
What if, instead of running from uncomfortable feelings, you approached them with curiosity? What if you saw sadness, fear, or anger not as enemies to be defeated, but as teachers to be learned from? This is where the Learner’s Identity we discussed in a previous session comes into play.
With the Learner’s Identity, your goal isn’t to avoid or suppress emotions—it’s to understand them. Instead of thinking, “I’m angry, and that’s bad,” you might ask yourself, “What is this anger trying to tell me?” Is it a boundary being crossed? Is there something I need to protect or stand up for? This shift in mindset turns every emotion into a valuable source of insight.
The Power of Observing Without Judgment
The next time you feel a strong emotion—whether it’s sadness, shame, or even joy—pause. Take a deep breath and observe it. Where do you feel it in your body? Is it a tightness in your chest, a pit in your stomach, or a heat rising in your face? Describe it in as much detail as possible.
Then, ask the emotion what it wants to tell you. Treat it as a messenger, not a villain. The more you practice this, the more you’ll realize that emotions are not here to hurt you. They’re here to help you grow.
Why Emotional Intelligence Matters
Emotional intelligence wasn’t always understood or valued the way it is today. For many of our parents and grandparents, expressing emotions—especially difficult ones—was seen as a sign of weakness. So they bottled them up, pretending everything was fine. But we now know that understanding and managing emotions is one of the greatest strengths you can have.
Being able to pause, reflect, and choose your response means that you are in control—not your anger, not your fear, and not your shame. This level of emotional awareness allows you to build healthier relationships, make better decisions, and ultimately, live a more fulfilling life.
A Practical Exercise: Reflecting on Your Emotional Triggers
Take a moment to think back to a recent time when you felt a strong, negative emotion—perhaps shame, fear, or anger. What was the situation? Who was involved? What exactly did you feel, and where did you feel it in your body? Write down your thoughts in your journal or in the notes section below.
Don’t judge yourself. Don’t label the emotion as good or bad. Simply observe it. You might be surprised by what you learn.
Remember, there are no bad emotions. They’re all part of you—beautiful, complex, and deserving of your attention. Embrace them, learn from them, and let them guide you toward a deeper understanding of yourself.
Go out there and live fully!
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